Truths About Grief: Part 1

In my 40 plus years of pastoring and serving as a hospice chaplain, I've learned some truths about grief that show up again and again...

The first one is that "you must go through it!" A lot of people try to avoid it--to go around it, over it, or under it. But it never works. I get trying to avoid; I really do. It hurts...maybe more than any other pain you've ever known. But, those who try to avoid it, end up letting it pile up like water behind a dam ...and eventually that dam breaks. When the dam breaks, the grief comes barreling out at an overwhelming rate, and at the most unexpected times. Sometimes, the grief is so overwhelming at this point that it brings harm to them and the ones they love.

So, I've learned it's better to deal with the grief bit by bit, from the very beginning. To cry out to God, to lean on trusted friends, to reach out to others... That's one reason I began leading GriefCare (a 6-week grief support group) several year ago. It has become a safe place for people to walk through grief together--to find understanding and hope. If you're interested or would like to be a part, you can go to my website https://www.theezekielgroup.com/grief-care to find more information.

A second truth that I've learned is that there is no calendar or exact time for grief. One of the questions I'm often asked is, "When will this end?!" The truth is, I can't tell you. I wish I could. I wish I could tell you that this will be over in 6 months or 1 year (it would be more bearable). But, I can't. I can tell you that it will get better (I've seen it again and again!), but I can't tell you the exact moment that you will turn the corner or that it will not hurt so deeply. There are so many different factors, and people grieve differently. Because of that, there is no "calendar" or "schedule" for grief. That's one reason it becomes so important to to take it ONE STEP AT A TIME! It is a day by day, sometimes hour by hour journey. But, you will not have to walk alone--God will walk with you every step of the way (see Psalm 23)!

In one sense, grief is never completely over--it stays with you the rest of your life, but not at the same level. The pain does get better; God heals the hurt; the tears turn to smiles, and sometimes even laughter. The psalmist writes, "...weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." (30:5)